1. the meaning behind my url
2. a picture of me
3. tattoos i have
4. last time i cried and why
5. piercings i have
6. favorite band
7. biggest turn off(s)
8. top 5 (insert subject)
9. tattoos i want
10. biggest turn on(s)
12. ideas of a perfect date
13. life goal(s)
14. piercings i want
15. relationship status
16. favorite movie
17. a fact about my life
19. middle name
20. anything you want to ask
Pick a number!
My life was never supposed to end up like this.
I suppose it’s an incredibly
Selfish thing to say, really.
Who’s life, after all,
Ends up exactly the way they planned it,
When they were small and hopeful?
I would hazard a guess-
Almost no one, or
If it did turn out exactly right
You realized, a year or two into it,
How exactly wrong it was.
The thing is,
After all the dreams of
Futures and love and dancing,
All I ever really wanted deep down
I wanted to wake up in the morning
I’m not, right now, am I?
I’m tired, so tired, of all this pain
That the world allows in,
The crack in my rose colored glasses
That I’ve been trying so hard to ignore.
I can’t, anymore,
And it’s nights like these when
That crack seems more like
The gaping end of the universe,
Than a crack.
We stare into the abyss and
It stares right back into us,
And laughs, and goes about its business
Because what are a few billion people to
Not much, I’m afraid,
Except for nuisances when we won’t stop
Bothering it with our wars and philosophy
And waxing eloquent in poetry
And dying for silly reasons
Like being sad.
I’m so sorry that people die,
For being sad.
Tonight- I understand it, but
I’m still sorry.
I’m so sorry for sadness, and
Every single person
Who has died from sadness
That everyone else did not.
They knew the feeling of their own heart
Beating and fluttering behind their breastbone-
Only they knew that feeling,
What made it jump and sink and speed up and
Everyone knows that this is normal heart behavior,
But only you can feel exactly the way
It feels, to you.
And they knew what love felt like,
What it meant to see something beautiful and
Crave it, more and more.
Sometimes that drove them mad,
But at least they saw it,
At least they were able to.
Only they could know
The thoughts in their head,
The sound of their breath in the dark,
The feel of someone else’s hand
Touching their arm, saying
“I love you” through the fingertips,
Or at least “I care.”
I want to hold everyone in my arms
And never let them go.
My world sees darkness now,
Blind with things that hurt very deeply,
Things that cut like surgical instruments and
Leave deep scars behind.
I’m tired of being selfish and scared,
But tonight I am also reminded of light existing,
Of it burning in the galaxies for
Billions of years, constant and steady,
Waiting for our eyes to look up
I am looking, now. I am searching.
It gets better.
My heart is fluttering behind my breastbone
And I am alive.
For that reminder,
In the loss.
It gets better. I love you. It gets better.
Don’t go so far away.